I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
