Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
