"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
