i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
