um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
