My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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