I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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