No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
