my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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