I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
