Don't make out with my wife yet
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
