you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
