yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
