Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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