Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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