At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
