Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
