Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
