hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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