im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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