Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
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