Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
