i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
