she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
