you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
