He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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