I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
