its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
