Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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