remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
