Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
