Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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