How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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