someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
