he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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