My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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