Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
