You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I party with great urgency now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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