Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her

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(917): View more from New York City

Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee

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(757): View more from Virginia

Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.

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(714): View more from California

no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you

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(713): View more from Texas

He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.

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(408): View more from California

Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.

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(850): View more from Florida

i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.

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(909): View more from California

I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.

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