It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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