You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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