On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
