My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
