My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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