I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
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We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
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There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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