Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
