barbara walters just said penis...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
