I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
