It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
