just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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