guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
