your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
