She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
