I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
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Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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