Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
