Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
