So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I have vodka in my lungs
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
