Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
