I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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