ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
