Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just threw up on my dentist
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Randomize
