used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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