She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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