Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize