My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
