YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We have so much sex to catch up on
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
