your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
