I wish I could teleport
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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