Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
